Lesbian Midgets for Europe

In a strong endorsement of support for the Lisbon Treaty, a new organisation, Lesbian Midgets for Europe, has announced it will campaign in favour of the Lisbon Treaty. The group is headed by Lucinda Gee and has a strong grassroots support of over 500 members. At a press conference earlier today Lucinda claimed “All of Lesbian Midget’s for Europe’s members are entirely driven towards a strong, stable EU which places Ireland at the heart of the EU.”

She said Ireland’s reputation abroad was severely damaged by the No vote of last June and that her organisation would work very close with Women for Europe, Ireland for Europe, Pre-Pubescent Trinity College Students for Europe and any other bandwagon that they should happen across.

“It is only by working together for a Yes vote is is possible we can restore Ireland’s reputation abroad.” said Gee, a banker by trade. When asked how Lesbian Midgets for Europe planned to fund their campaign we were told “All donations are received from Irish citizens living in Ireland and we are fully compliant with SIPO.”

Gee is under no impression that this campaign will be easy. She maintained that although Ireland was “absoloutely shitless” at the prospect of being thrown out of the EU, she said that “It’s important we keep reminding the Irish People just how lovely Europe is…” and that “if Charlie McCreevy keeps opening his trap we may get thrown out no matter how we vote”.

When asked what exactly she thought of the Treaty she said “Well it’s lovely. Very heavy and complicated so it’s probably best that the Irish public don’t read it unless they forget the recipes for potato soup taught to them by their mammies who never did experience the joys of Europe.”

Lesbian Midgets for Europe are contactable through their website.

The Battle of Lisbon 2009

In the impending battle for Lisbon we see that already there is a multitude of colours sharpening swords. It appears it will be a battle not of parties but of people. The yes side has conscripted celebrities for their army including Bill Cullen, Eimear Quinn (Of Eurovision fame, apparently) and Mick Gawley “rugby legend”. These are people made up of the “We Belong” club. A celebrity based 3rd party who are campaigning because am… we belong in Europe, apparently. Judging by their site, and campaign team, they are going to be a primarily internet based campaign aimed at young people. Joining these we will have Generation Yes, a team of Trinity College attending children whose leader, Andrew Byrne, left them to work with the Cox/Laffan lead “Ireland for Europe, the successor to the Alliance for Europe. Over all the entire yes side is shaping up to be a crowded place, and each team will need to make a lot of noise to be able to claim the most credit. As they all appear to be preparing an online campaign (with the exception of Generation Yes who I don’t see as being very active outside of Dublin), they will be required to be very vocal in what they do and I don’t think Brigid Laffan is prepared to run down Grafton Street with flares in her hand singing “High School Confidential”.
On the No side we have Coir, Sinn Fein, Socialist Party, Socialist Workers Party and the other lefty fringe groups. Now, I’m sorry, but none of these groups are able to pull off a No vote. I’m sorry, it’s just not going to happen unless somehow Cowen and Lenihan implement the An Bord Snip cuts before the referendum.
There is a method to the Yes side’s campaign though. And it’s evident in the Red C and TNS/MRBI polls. Politicians are not popular right now. So by keeping them locked away in their offices and letting Bill “I sold apples for a penny” Cullen and Pat “Let’s hug Europe” Cox take charge this time it’s already putting the yes side 30 points ahead. My own analysis has the result going 80/20 yes due to economic uncertainty and the fear of being cast out of Europe. It will be a vicious battle with vicious soldiers and it begins very, very soon. All that’s left to do now is to cry havoc and let slip the dogs of war.